If you hear the word "dinosaur" in Silicon Valley, it's usually a pejorative for an out-of-touch venture capitalist headed for extinction. But according to The New Yorker, the same grim fate awaits the current "Cambrian explosion" of new startups.

Let's talk about last night's episode of Silicon Valley, which was staged at TechCrunch Disrupt in San Francisco. In real life, the annual conference is an island of lost startups where aspirants scramble for attention while the anointed tell tales of world change and global impact, signifying nothing (because they're told by the makers of project management software).

Eden Alexander is an adult film star and cam girl. After a "near fatal" reaction to a common prescription drug and a month of chronic pain, she tried to crowdfund $4,000 for her medical care. Hours before she was taken away in an ambulance, she got a notice that the online payments company WePay had cancelled her emergency fundraiser.

Last week I downloaded Tentwenty, a newly launched local message board that displays text and photos from anonymous users according to where they are in real time. Scrolling through my sparse feed at home in Brooklyn, I noticed that initial users weren't from the expected tech set, as well as a puzzling number of posts from Tenafly, New Jersey (not traditionally considered an early adopter mecca).

Remember The Unicorn Club of startups that secured an esteemed $1 billion valuation? Might as well be The Garbage Club now, full of trifling companies with worth the kind of coin one chucks out the window from the backseat of an Uber. Why, in the past 24 hours alone, Pinterest and Uber reportedly increased their valuations by a collective $8.7 billion.

Cook is the CEO of Apple, that company that makes all of the things you either own or want to own at some point in the future. He's also gay. So why is the Times so emphatically saying "There Are Still No Openly Gay Major C.E.O.s" today?

Protestors claiming to part of an anarchist collective called the Counterforce say that they vandalized Google's office in Venice, California, which is located inside the Frank Gehry-designed Binoculars Building. "On the full moon of May, 14, 2014, during an unusual heat spell, a Counterforce group threw paint at the entrance," according to a post on IndyBay.

Yesterday, Nextdoor CEO Nirav Tolia was charged with a felony for allegedly leaving the scene of a hit-and-run that left a female driver injured. Speeding away in a BMW X5 reflects poorly on a startup like Nextdoor, which raised $100 million to build a social network for good neighbors. But for Tolia, this sudden scrutiny could also undo years of rehab on his tarnished personal brand.

We're hearing more terrible things to come from online throw pillow emporium Fab.com: a source close to the company says "Fab is going to reduce its NY office down to 20 to 25 people" (down from a few hundred) and is "selling their warehouse in NJ." That would be a complete meltdown.

Earlier today, CNN included Nextdoor in an article about "Hyperlocal apps [that] help residents fight crime." Later today, NBC Bay Area reports the CEO of one of those apps is now facing serious allegations of criminal negligence, accused of fleeing the scene of a highway accident he caused.

Mark Zuckerberg turned 30 today, which means he is too old to matter within the Silicon Valley boy-worship culture he largely helped found around himself.

Expecting ethical behavior from TechCrunch is like expecting your adopted chimpanzee to not eat your face—unfair to you, unfair to the chimp. Yet, impressively, even after years of sleaze, the Silicon Valley blog of record is still finding new ways to create conflicts of interest.

Airbnb is not in the clear yet. In court papers filed today, New York State Supreme Court ruled in favor of the $10 billion rental company and quashed a subpoena for data about illegal Airbnb hosts. However, Attorney General Eric Schneiderman plans to reissue the subpoena this week, narrowing it down to the judge's specifications.

Jennifer Jenkins, a senior staff writer at the New York Times, is leaving the paper to work for Paper, a Facebook app.

It's hard to believe Vinod Khosla can run a venture capital firm with more than $3 billion under management when his brain is full of holes. During an hour of testimony, the billionaire repeatedly said he couldn't recall closing off public access to a popular beach near his property on Half Moon Bay.

This replica of the starship Enterprise (down to the sound effects when you open the door) is located inside the $35 million home of Marc Bell, the former CEO of FriendFinder. The network of adult sites, which also publishes Penthouse, filed for bankruptcy last September.

We've given Twitter flak in the past for taking millions in tax cuts and giving back to its neighbors in questionable ways. But a new partnership with a homeless care group looks like the real deal.

Lawsuits and federal investigations against tech companies tend to end one of three ways. Corporations pay a pittance of a settlement, swear they'll do better without admitting guilt, or the whole ordeal is over before it starts. But one plaintiff in the class action wage-fixing case against Apple, Google, Intel, and Adobe has declined to roll over.