Attendees at the 2014 Social Media Marketing World convention—that's a real thing!—were treated to a rousing song called "Let's Get Social," about getting social. Tickets to the event cost $1,300, and literally everyone who sat through this is now dead.

Good citizens of "Palo Alto, Mountain View or Menlo Park," you still have a few hours to hail an Uber for the chance to pitch Google Ventures in the back of a moving vehicle. If paper money is meaningless, you might as well play Cash Cab.

On the hierarchy of which employees get acqui-hired, frivolous contributions like user experience and marketing are at the bottom. Designers, who are more likely to be female than their engineering equivalent, are often "the losers in situations like these."

Joe Lonsdale, co-founder of the unambiguously sinister data-mining startup Palantir and Clarium Capital alum, is just like the rest of us. When he turns 30, he rents out a castle. And when it's time to watch Game of Thrones, he procures a replica Iron Throne for himself.

Last week, tech companies offered the web their April Fool's "jokes," like cats with dead mice, and we all sort of uncomfortably nodded. It's never been harder to discern a facetious idea from the genuine article than right now—and when "Fitbit for your pet" is considered a real business, who's to say what's a joke anymore?

After slogging through their 2,000-word anti-Google ransom note, I did not expect to engage in a remotely reasonable discussion with the Counterforce. Not when the anti-capitalist protestors distributed fliers to Kevin Rose's neighbors in San Francisco demanding that Google pay them $3 billion—and especially not when the group "stalked" Google X engineer Anthony Levandowski.

Last fall, Sean Rad told Bloomberg Businessweek that he met his girlfriend of four months on Tinder, the same dating app where he serves as CEO. That young lady, who went unnamed, is 20-year-old Alexa Dell, the daughter of beleaguered billionaire Michael Dell. Alexa made headlines in 2012 when she turned up on Rich Kids of Instagram. Rad was 27-years-old as of September.

Uber has officially taken its first step towards becoming the next Amazon—or the next vertical-crazy, growth-chasing Icarus (Fab.com, Gilt Groupe, Groupon, take your pick.) The car-hailing company began testing a $15 to $30 courier option in Manhattan today called UberRUSH and yes they're very serious about the caps lock.

At Google, the people who spoon out gourmet lunches to the Mountain View struggle to feed themselves. At Tesla Motors, chariot-builders of the geek elite, working at the corporate cafeteria means you might not be able to afford your own home.

Silicon Valley is just like the Ivy League, argues venture capitalist Rachel Chalmers. In both places, lucky is a dirty word: "The game is rigged. The pathology of Silicon Valley is that the winners have so much ego invested in pretending that it isn't."

Last week, Recode reported the departure of two more top executives from Clinkle, a San Francisco startup that's trying to create yet another way to transfer money with your phone. Investors have paid Clinkle tens of millions of dollars since 2011, and the company has yet to release a single product, while it keeps bleeding staff.

Investor Semil Shah has christened a new category of startups. By the power vested in him by TechCrunch, all apps that help users to summon goods and services will henceforth be part of the lucrative "Tap Your Phone, Get Stuff" family.

Perhaps realizing that everyone is just going to use their former roommate's pilfered HBO Go password anyway, the series premiere of the (hugely smart and funny) Silicon Valley is now available on YouTube.

Yesterday was not an insanely awesome #sundayfunday for Google Ventures general partner Kevin Rose. Protestors gathered outside the Digg founder's San Francisco home in Potrero Hill with banners calling him "a parasite," threatening to "snip snip" his "ballz" (a reference to a joke Rose made in 2008 about cutting a woman's breasts with a pair of scissors), and demanding a $3 billion ransom.

Right now, you read this (very possibly having arrived via Facebook), Mark Zuckerberg is one of the richest, influential, and world-historically diabolical figures in the history of American commerce. Just nine years ago, he gave a guest lecture at Harvard to a mostly empty room, and today we can watch in disbelief.

To get a glimpse at the interior logic of libertarian leaders who work in the technology industry, take a look at Michael Arrington's triumphal tweet from last night: "My point is this. WE'VE WON! After eons gays can now mostly feel free to be themselves, love whoever, with no stigma."

The seasons are changing, and synergy is in the air: Airbnb's founder Brian Chesky is using his girlfriend's app as a platform to share their love—and his unofficial corporate slogan.

The general consensus ahead of Sunday's big HBO debut is positive: geeks and geek detractors are both excited for Silicon Valley. But Recode's Nellie Bowles attended the show's San Francisco premiere, and tech's favorite billionaire electric car baron has nothing nice to say. He also seems like sort of a prick!

Notable venture capitalist George Zachary just went on Bloomberg West—not exactly home turf for market skepticism—and said he thinks we're in a tech bubble, as evidenced by ballooning company valuations and acquisition prices. We're not going to argue.