Every morning some startup founder rises and thanks our species for its short attention span. If we didn't forget the innumerable failures of yesterday, who would ever fund their close cousins today? The same goes for the people behind the debacles—people like our old friends Peter Shih and Greg Gopman, who are already banking on amnesia, if not amnesty.

WhatsApp's 55 employees have $19 billion reasons to celebrate, including Igor Solomennikov, an iPhone developer who has been with the company since 2009. He just posted this shot of the finest bubbly Mark Zuckerberg can buy.

Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, who misspelled Gandhi on a PowerPoint at the last Bitcoin conference, have decided to bring some precision to the rough-and-tumble world of cryptocurrency. Today they launched a Bitcoin version of the S.&P. 500 called Winkdex^SM "to reflect the accurate price of Bitcoins."

Put the Snapchat co-founders on suicide watch: Facebook is buying WhatsApp, a smartphone messaging service that's enormously popular around the world, for $16 billion, plus $3 billion in restricted stock units for employees, making it one of the biggest tech deals in history.

Want to be a tailor, but also want $6.5 million in venture capital funding for no reason? Get TechCrunch to call you a "Made-To-Measure Men's Apparel Startup"—no one will ever know the difference!

Chevy never has to issue reminders to drivers to not deliberately steer trucks into playgrounds, but people who choose to wear $1,500 computers on their faces need an extra lesson in how to be a member of society. First up: don't be a weird asshole. How generous of Google!

Tinder's callous approach to privacy is getting more brazen. Businessweek says a security flaw exposed the exact latitude and longitude of Tinder users for between 40 to 165 days, with no notice from the company.

The instant gratification economy got a big shot in the arm this week, after Postmates scooped up a $16 million investment round. The company is based on cheaply rushing whatever you want at that moment to you via courier—but what about the people doing the cheap rushing?

One of the biggest forces in the ever-shady Bitcoin economy, MtGox, has been blocking withdrawals. If you've invested real money in speculative cyber-money, this is bad news—and it's spurred the saddest protest I've ever seen.

Snapchat is suddenly open to some adult supervision. The company lured Emily White from Instagram, then hired lobbyists after a careless privacy breach. Today, it poached Peter Magnusson, a former engineering director for Google. Judging by his snotty response to the Wall Street Journal, Magnusson will fit right in!

Rejoice, Silicon Valley, tech blogs have solved all your infrastructure issues. You can either (1) colonize Oakland or (2) act more like Connecticut. What sounds better: crust punk or cable knit?

TechCrunch says Bitstrips, a company based on spamming your Facebook feed with poorly-rendered cartoons, just raised another $15 million in venture capital.

What do you imagine interning at a lyrics website that's run by three cartoonish Yalies with millions of dollars in the bank would be like? If your guess involved drugs, visits to Whole Foods, "raging," and a Bel Air mansion, you are correct. Bullshit internships, the startup way.

Ron Conway, the pioneering angel investor behind the "spray and pray" technique, has put his $9.5 million "Louis XV style" abode up for sale, reports Business Insider. According to Trulia, the price for this full floor apartment in one of "San Francisco's most desirable co-op buildings" has recently dropped half a million.

If there's one truism on the internet, it's that once something is well-liked and popular, it remains in that state forever. This is the rationale behind King Digital, the firm behind Candy Crush Saga and, uh, maybe some other things (?) to announce its IPO.

Nothing that starts with "The liberal wonderland of the San Francisco Bay Area..." will end well. But this meditation on tech money and the middle class quickly moves from head-scratching ("Home Ownership As Housesitting For Rich People Not Yet Moved In") to hair-pulling ("Do We Need Affordable Housing Units?").

As a social network, Google+ is just a bunch of empty circles spinning in a barren wasteland. But Google could give a fuck if consumers prefer Facebook. What the $400 billion data vacuum really wanted, reports The New York Times, is to track everything you do online and sell that personal information to advertisers.

The first line in town idiot Thomas Friedman's latest column is maybe the most stupid part: "The most striking thing about visiting Silicon Valley these days is how many creative ideas you can hear in just 48 hours." These are exciting times, and our nation's foremost public intellectual blowhard is on it.

If you get an email offering free rides to a free party with free booze, it's usually too good to be true.