In just nine days the world's most self-important people will descend on a tiny ski village in the Alps to rub shoulders with Nobel laureates and big-shot CEOs. They will talk about very important things like "transformational leadership," "volatility as the new normal," and "designing out poverty" at the World Economic Forum, under the protection of snipers in snow camouflage.

Right now, many of the worst people alive are flocking to a tiny, silly Swiss town for a week of swapping platitudes and talking about money. But why would our planet's ultrarich dickheads want to attend Davos, where Mark Zuckerberg's useless sister is considered a "Young Global Leader"?