David Shing has the kind of gig that can only exist mid-bubble, when dinosaur corporations chase Snapchat into extinction. He pulls down six figures as AOL's "Digital Prophet." He hallucinates about the future and executives receive his wisdom like hair spikes are a barometer for intelligence. These are the kind of prophecies you get from a coddled cartoon character.

If you work at AOL, here are two people that make more money than you: Chief Executive Prickhole Tim Armstrong, and this guy, David Shing, who is currently appearing on MSNBC to discuss his aimless, ailing company. This is the face of a dying corporation, convulsing as it goes down.