Quarterly earnings time: Zuck's advertising trian chugga-chugged $1.46 billion in revenue for Q1, a year-over-year increase of 38-percent, with profits up 7-percent. Way to go Zuck—and let's all give ourselves a hand for making it happen.

The second quarter earnings numbers from everyone's favorite gadget company are out, and like every other time, it made an ungodly amount of money: $43.6 billion in revenues and net profits of $9.5 billion. That's objectively a lot of money, but there's still no phantom iWatch, so investors are likely to pout.