Google caused a sea-crazed frenzy when the press discovered mystery barges floating off both US coasts. But the company dismantled the giant showrooms before their public unveiling over pesky public safety regulations: Google had no good answer when authorities asked if their retail barges were floating fire hazards.

Last month, it seemed that Google's mysterious barge project was heading to the great scrap heap in the sky. But hopes for the company's floating gadget shop lives on in San Francisco.

If you had your heart set on buying a $1,500 face computer inside a giant barge, your life is fucked: Google looks like it's phasing out the plan for grand, floating Android showrooms, a dystopian-commerce future we couldn't handle and didn't deserve.

Google finally offered a statement about its mystery barges, telling TechCrunch they are "‘an interactive space’ to teach people about its technology." People of Earth, head seaward to learn about your new leaders.

This is both the craziest and lamest outcome for the three floating mega-vessels covertly assembled by Google. San Francisco's KPIX 5 news team says the barges will serve as private showrooms and floating party zones for rich clientele.

A THIRD MYSTERY BARGE HAS BEEN LOCATED. I REPEAT A THIRD GOOGLE BARGE FLOATS AMONG US. The Daily Mail spotted the third barge next to the Treasure Island one in the San Francisco Bay. By and Large, LLC has registered at least four barges with the U.S. Coast Guard. Quick, everyone check the nearest dock for robots.

Every curious citizen has a theory about what's hidden inside Google's mystery barges and Jon Stewart is no different. Last night on The Daily Show, Stewart sliced through the fervent speculation with a voice of reason: "Let's be clear, it's not normal for an internet search engine to launch secret ocean vessels."

Whether it's a data center, Google Glass store, or floating stage for an Eric Schmidt orgy on international waters, one thing's for sure about Google's mystery boats: they're creeping everyone out. But an intrepid reporter at the Portland Press Herald checked one out.

Perhaps you've heard of Google's puzzling four-story tall barge floating in the San Francisco Bay? Maybe you caught wind of Google's similarly clandestine barge bouying along in Portland Harbor? Well, that's not the way Google wanted it to happen.