It's summertime and the European Union is feeling its damn self. Days after another complaint with the EU about Google's anticompetitive behavior, German publishers decided they've had enough of Silicon Valley as well.

Silicon Valley has traditionally fought off questions about the diversity of its workers, even claiming the numbers were a "trade secret." But following Google's lead, Yahoo revealed for the first time ever that its global workforce is 37 percent female.

YouTube will begin pulling indie musicians from the site in "a matter of days," blocking any artist on a label that refused the company's licensing terms for its forthcoming subscription music service.

No longer content with merely blocking Google's buses, some anarchists in San Francisco declared war "on every vehicle connected to the gentrifying tech companies" following an alleged tire-slashing attack on a Google Shopping Express delivery van.

Tom Fallows works as a product director at Google. He's also—if you believe the words of San Francisco's "Counterforce" protest group—a "capitalist shit bag," and everything wrong with techie gentrification. To prove their point, The Counterforce is denouncing Fallows on his own doorstep.

Google, like other enlightened corporations, makes its workers to routinely rank each other and forces the scores to match a bell curve. The employees who are placed at the wrong end of the bell curve risk termination. That's stressful enough—now imagine your CEO personally meddling.

Google is launching a new collection of frames and shades for Google Glass, designed by fashion icon Diane von Furstenberg. The DVF | Made for Glass collection looks more like regular spectacles than previous iterations—even if the titanium and shield frames are decidedly retro. Just one problem: there appears to be a computing protrusion jutting out from the corner?

Forget fickle teens, the hottest demographic in tech right now is The Unwired. Google is investing $1 billion to $3 billion on a fleet of satellites to beam down Internet access on developing countries and other assorted areas without broadband. Before this satellite project, Google had tried the same thing with drones and balloons.

Google hired masseur Elvis Gardin to support one of the cushiest, perk-filled workplaces in the world. But according to a new lawsuit, the company's New York office took the perk too far: Gardin says a client pleasured himself mid-rub, and got axed when he complained about it.

Privacy, there's a form for that. Google reluctantly complied with the European Union's "Right To Be Forgotten" ruling, which lets citizens petition search engines to takedown* a URL. *The site will only be stripped in the EU and Google will disclose when a listing was cut.

For the first time ever Google, "organizer of the world's information," has released pertinent information about itself. Only 2 percent of Google employees are black and only 30 percent are women. No wonder the corporation, consistently voted the one of the best places you can work, has "always been reluctant to publish numbers" showing who has been locked out.

So much has changed since the Arab Spring. Wael Ghonim, the Google marketing executive credited with igniting a revolution in Egypt, just joined Google's venture capital firm as an entrepreneur-in-residence because "He's really trying to move his life forward."

Search engines and home security go together about as well as microwave ovens and television programming, but now that Facebook is a utility, Google might as well be GE. The Information reports that Google's Nest division wants to expand beyond smart-thermostats by acquiring Dropcam, the company famous for "[taking] the nanny cam out of the fake teddy bear."

Google dismissed a recent "leak" about AdSense stealing money from publishers as "complete fiction." But its Kafka-esque tactics sounded familiar enough that one of the publishers it arbitrarily banned just before a big payout has filed a class action lawsuit.

Google may have been rejected by Snapchat and WhatsApp, but it's not always in the friend zone. When the SEC inquired about spending overseas profits, Google said it passed on a deal to buy an unnamed foreign company for up to $5 billion. Sure you did.

Unlike its disruptive, transatlantic neighbor, Europe still cares about privacy. That's why a European high court just affirmed the right to selectively erase oneself from Google. Google's privacy-adoring Eric Schmidt thinks this is a mistake. That is about as hypocritical as it gets.

Protestors claiming to part of an anarchist collective called the Counterforce say that they vandalized Google's office in Venice, California, which is located inside the Frank Gehry-designed Binoculars Building. "On the full moon of May, 14, 2014, during an unusual heat spell, a Counterforce group threw paint at the entrance," according to a post on IndyBay.

Lawsuits and federal investigations against tech companies tend to end one of three ways. Corporations pay a pittance of a settlement, swear they'll do better without admitting guilt, or the whole ordeal is over before it starts. But one plaintiff in the class action wage-fixing case against Apple, Google, Intel, and Adobe has declined to roll over.

Uber is first third-party app to ever to be integrated into Google Maps. Last summer Google Ventures, the corporation's "entirely" separate venture firm, was part of a $258 million investment round in the e-hailing company. Synergy had me like . . .