Expecting ethical behavior from TechCrunch is like expecting your adopted chimpanzee to not eat your face—unfair to you, unfair to the chimp. Yet, impressively, even after years of sleaze, the Silicon Valley blog of record is still finding new ways to create conflicts of interest.

When the team behind Connect—a generically named, beautifully designed social app—won a recent pitch competition, they were ecstatic. Nabbing $200,000 and the oozing love of venture capitalists is a reason to keep living. Now let's blast some fucking electro.

For the past couple of years, bored tech writers have been telling this spooky ghost story about teens bored with Facebook. Today, during Facebook's latest earnings report, Zuckerberg denied the youth exodus, and TechCrunch's resident Facebook sleeper agent can barely keep it in his teen pants.

No, it's not just you—this headline doesn't really make any sense. And yet that's explanation from TechCrunch's Josh Constine, the FB communications team who moonlights as a blogger. It's not Facebook's fault that nobody wants to phone Home. Blame those seductive iPhones.