Do you work in sales at Tumblr? Have you noticed a disturbance in the force? We're hearing that bad shit went down at Tumblr this week, and while it is not going to be announced until next week, for now everyone at Tumblr is drinking heavily.

Marissa Mayer addressed her haters during Yahoo's earnings call. Tumblr, she claimed, will generate $100 million in revenue in 2015. As for profitability, Mayer said Tumblr will reach "positive Ebitda," which doesn't seem like enough return to shut down activist investors.

Faced with sagging ad sales, Yahoo has decided to keep trying to same failing strategy: gobbling up fledgling startups to reinvigorate the aging behemoth. An activist investor already slammed this approach as a money-burning fuck up. But CEO Marissa Mayer is undeterred. She plans to squander profits from Yahoo's stake in Alibaba on more youthful startups.

Earlier today, the Wall Street Journal broke the news that Yahoo, the corporate equivalent of Remember the 90's is "close" to investing in Snapchat, the fratty harbinger of our ephemeral future, at a $10 billion valuation. A source told Valleywag the amount Yahoo is investing is only $20 million and that the deal has closed.

What happens when you combine two dying '90s internet relics into one conglomerate of uselessness? According an activist investor at Starboard Value, a proposed merger of Yahoo and AOL could see "significant appreciation" in Yahoo's stock price and the revitalization of both brands. How exciting!

Yahoo may have cemented its reputation as a dumping ground for failed mobile startups, but Walmart is staking out a similar renown with shopping startups. Over the last few months, the nation's favorite predatory retailer has been buying up some Silicon Valley e-commerce cruft.

Yahoo, the last living fossil of the internet dinosaurs, is coming to grips with its own mortality. The lumbering tech giant once bought 48 acres of land in Santa Clara for a massive office expansion. Now it's turning the land into a parking lot.

Nobody really enjoys using most of the Yahoo! branded apps or websites, so the company's future rests largely on the money it can make from advertising. For this reason and perhaps others, it's not a good sign that Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer showed up hours late to a client dinner because she was asleep.

Silicon Valley has traditionally fought off questions about the diversity of its workers, even claiming the numbers were a "trade secret." But following Google's lead, Yahoo revealed for the first time ever that its global workforce is 37 percent female.

Marissa Mayer should have watched Glengary Glen Ross before jetting off to Cannes Lions, the annual festival that lets ad buyers pretend they're Angelina Jolie. Multiple reports say her stilted presentation failed to close the deal.

Okay, Wall Street Journal, might as well get this rolling today: "The clock is now ticking for Marissa Mayer," says the paper's Doug MacMillan. It's true: Yahoo! loves firing its CEOs, and Marissa Mayer hasn't really accomplished anything outside of the superficial. So, how long does she have?

Y Combinator is hosting a fundraiser for the DNC with President Obama. Hacker News commenters are mad as heck. The only reassuring part is seeing Marissa Mayer and Sam Altman's under "Change That Matters."

A new SEC filing out of Yahoo! confirms two sad things we already knew: it's tremendously easy for a man to make more than a woman, and it's stupid simple to be filthy rich and also be bad at your job. Where do the rest of us sign up?

You can call yourself "utterly pointless," flounder in beta forever, pivot, then show a downward slope in the App Store, and still get acqui-hired by Yahoo. No man left behind, no landing too soft.

No, this isn't the worst ever episode of Weekend Update—Marissa Mayer continues to do a painfully awkward video presentation during each Yahoo! quarterly earnings report. It needs to stop doing this, because non-struggling companies do not do this.

It looks like all that synergy wasn't enough to help Marissa Mayer steer Yahoo in a more promising direction. Despite hyping improved ad technology at CES, with revenue down, the ship is staying afloat thanks mostly to equity in Alibaba.

Henrique De Castro has been pushed out of Yahoo on a plank lined with RSUs. The chief operating officer, whom insiders described as a "dead man walking," is leaving with a $20 million stock bonus after working at the company for a little more than a year.

No sooner had Marissa Mayer pledged her allegiance to content (and advertising!) at CES than she put David Pogue to work. On stage this afternoon, the new head of Yahoo Tech "magazine" just wrapped up an interview with Nick D'Aloisio, the insufferable entrepreneur that Mayer made a multimillionaire before his 18th birthday.

When the White House invite list for "top tech executives" got out yesterday, a few names stood out for the wrong reason. What would former Zynga CEO Mark Pincus, who stepped down in July after layoffs, a stock price free fall, shuttered games and a exodus of executives add to a discussion Healthcare.gov and NSA surveillance?

Business Insider reports that Yahoo began "serious talks to buy" Imgur, the meme-laden photo-sharing site that grew of its symbiosis with Reddit, this fall. We heard a similar rumor from a source in late October that we weren't able to substantiate. At the time, the source said the deal "might be up to $200 million."