After making a bloody mess of Mt. Gox, the first and biggest name in Bitcoin trading, no one is expecting CEO Mark Karpeles to redeem himself and refund their missing cyber-money. A new report of Karpeles' criminal past won't help.

If a breathless car chase wasn't cinematic enough to make you care about Bitcoin, how about a whistleblower threatening to publish an expose about corrupt elders and ominously signing off: "You have 72 hours"?

Japan-based Mt.Gox CEO Mark Karpeles—who may or may not be Chris Farley reanimated with the soul of Reddit—just copped to some very bad news: yes, he lost all your money.