After making a bloody mess of Mt. Gox, the first and biggest name in Bitcoin trading, no one is expecting CEO Mark Karpeles to redeem himself and refund their missing cyber-money. A new report of Karpeles' criminal past won't help.

If a breathless car chase wasn't cinematic enough to make you care about Bitcoin, how about a whistleblower threatening to publish an expose about corrupt elders and ominously signing off: "You have 72 hours"?

Mt. Gox users who lost all their money in the burning embers of the Bitcoin exchange are gathering at GoxBux.com to explore "legal options+ remedies." Earlier today, CEO Mike Karpele said he'd be seeking court protection through bankruptcy. Libertarians and the law is like that "Secret Sex" episode of SATC.

Japan-based Mt.Gox CEO Mark Karpeles—who may or may not be Chris Farley reanimated with the soul of Reddit—just copped to some very bad news: yes, he lost all your money.

As Mt. Gox erupts, SecondMarket, best known as a place to unload Facebook stock pre-IPO, emerges from the molten lava with plans for the first ever U.S.-based Bitcoin exchange. It will mimic "the early days of The IntercontinentalExchange," with founding members from "Wall Street banks and well-funded Bitcoin startups (but not, interesting, VC firms)."

Shoulda invested in art, dudes: the world's most prominent online Bitcoin exchange shut itself down last night. This would be the final punchline to a long-running business farce, but there are a lot of people who are now missing a lot of money.

Imagine if your bank wouldn't let you withdraw money, ignored your complaints, and then moved offices when you showed up at their door? If you put real dollars into Mt.Gox, the erstwhile top dog in Bitcoin trading, you've probably completely screwed.

One of the biggest forces in the ever-shady Bitcoin economy, MtGox, has been blocking withdrawals. If you've invested real money in speculative cyber-money, this is bad news—and it's spurred the saddest protest I've ever seen.