If you had your heart set on buying a $1,500 face computer inside a giant barge, your life is fucked: Google looks like it's phasing out the plan for grand, floating Android showrooms, a dystopian-commerce future we couldn't handle and didn't deserve.

Just days after allegations of rape, intimidation, and abuse against Urban Airship CEO Scott Kveton surfaced, he's calling it quits.

This sounds familiar: the young, celebrated chief of a rising tech company is facing heinous abuse allegations. This time, it's in the "Silicon Forest" of Portland, where Urban Airship CEO Scott Kveton is under investigation for allegedly raping his girlfriend.

Google Ventures partner Kevin Rose is quickly racking up enemies in Portland. After infuriating thousands of residents over his planned demolition of a historic home, the Digg founder offered to sell the property back to the original owners for $1.375 million in cash. A group of neighbors scrounged together the funds and accepted Rose's offer, but he's leveling the landmark house anyway.

You have to hand it to Startupland. Where else could a company figure out its tax obligations only after the market says it's worth $10 billion? An even better trick is chanting "sharing" all the way to an IPO.

Whether it's a data center, Google Glass store, or floating stage for an Eric Schmidt orgy on international waters, one thing's for sure about Google's mystery boats: they're creeping everyone out. But an intrepid reporter at the Portland Press Herald checked one out.