Apple just earned more profit in a single quarter than any company, ever, and the hacks in Silicon Valley press are fawning all over CEO Tim Cook and praising his genius. But you know what? They're right. Tim Cook is a brilliant CEO. He may, in fact, be way better at running Apple than Steve Jobs was. Let's discuss.

Since he took control of Apple after the death of Steve Jobs, it feels like the only person who didn't say how Tim Cook is the most powerful gay executive in the world was Tim Cook. Today, he lets it all out.

Like an emotionally abusive high school coach still haunting your anxiety dreams, the specter of Steve Jobs looms over the Apple of today. Maybe preserving his office three years after his death is making that worse.

Last week, Apple CEO Tim Cook pranked the entire iPhone-toting world with a gratis copy of U2's new album—"Songs Of Innocence"—beamed directly to everyone's phone, without asking. Today, it's letting you undo this dark magic.

The problem with treating the truth like a dirty secret is that it leads to situations like today's, where a CNBC panelist brought his own show to a halt after stating the obvious: "Tim Cook is fairly open about the fact that he's gay at the head of Apple, isn't he?" Silence.

It's silly, because the world has known Apple's chief executive is gay for years now, but the New York Times is practically gnawing its own arm off in the process of writing about Tim Cook's personal life. They clearly want to mention the sexuality of capitalism's most powerful man—so why won't they?

Cook is the CEO of Apple, that company that makes all of the things you either own or want to own at some point in the future. He's also gay. So why is the Times so emphatically saying "There Are Still No Openly Gay Major C.E.O.s" today?

Tim Cook won't have to worry about vibes from his corporate archenemy at home: the pad next to his is on the market, with a prominent Google exec moving out.

After years of (silently) being the most powerful gay man in technology (and perhaps the entirety of corporate America), Apple CEO Tim Cook is starting to get personal. A recent speech on human rights organized by Auburn University shows a welcome side of the fiercely private executive.

It starts with a Martin Luther King Jr. quote, and ends as a total mystery: an internal video memo from Apple's chief is very strange, and the company is trying to scrub it off the internet.

Everyone knows Tim Cook is gay. Valleywag said it in 2011. His colleagues say it now. It's a social triumph that the arguably most powerful businessman in the world is also gay. So why, at one of the rare moments that Cook's sexuality actually matters, won't he finally say it?

Jean-Louis Gassée occupies an odd, disdained corner of Apple's corporate history, a French exec ousted in by infighting and products that bombed. But he's still got lots to say about the place—and might be the first Apple exec to publicly state the obvious. (Spoiler: gay)

Today's congressional hearing on Apple's Irish tax-dodging has included a lot of impressive browbeating—it's nice to see Tim Cook taken to task. What doesn't help the issue is Senator John McCain chuckling with Cook about how his gosh darn iPhone updates apps all the durn time.

CharityBuzz has announced the winner of the most expensive cup of coffee you've ever had in your life with Apple CEO Tim Cook. A newcomer known only as "a********s" came out on top with $610,000 bid. Congratulations, Mr. assssssss?