Sheryl Sandberg's international best-seller, an odyssey of corporate-approved quasi-feminism, will get a very strange big-screen adaptation, Deadline reports.

Before you get all excited about who might potentially play Sandberg (Kerry Washington, fingers crossed!) or her nanny and housekeeper (rendered via CGI), the Sony Pictures production sadly won't be a biopic:

The studio has set Nell Scovell, the veteran TV writer/director, to write the script. Scovell helped Sandberg write the book. The film is not a biography of Sandberg; rather, Scovell will hatch a narrative film from the themes contained within the book.

Aw man, I wanted to see the pivotal scene where Sandberg tells Mark Zuckerberg he needs to start trimming his nails. So, we'll get a thematic film based on the sacred teachings of Sheryl Sandberg, made by the woman who created Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Given that the themes of the book are "careerism," "efficiency," and "being a terrific asset to your company," this should be a real thrill ride.

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