You might think investing in 185 different tech companies is a lot of work, but New York magazine just sat down for lunch with two of the highest profile tech investors on the East Coast, and boy do they seem relaxed.

How did Bloomberg arrive at the block-headed conclusion that New York HATES the sharing economy? Maybe because they polled a very skewed sampling of your average citizen: "Ask a bunch of New Yorkers where they spend their money: apartments, cars, vacation lodgings, maybe designer handbags."

Google just agreed to pay $3.2 billion in cash to buy Nest Labs, the makers of "unloved but important" home devices like thermostats and smoke alarms, i.e. hardware that could help save and improve lives for a huge demographic of homeowners. How does the saying go: Two Internet of Things is worth one ephemeral in the bush?

When you scoop up some venture capital money, the first thing you should do is rent out a mansion in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in Silicon Valley. Don't worry: after you move into Downton Valley, your investor will cheer you on!

There aren't enough ways for the Bay Area software crowd to insulate itself from people with regular jobs: and so, The Battery exists. But what's going on behind the $2,400 doors of the startup clubhouse? The New York Times took a look, and it's just so, so boring.

Those private ephemeral ads for losing pounds and enhancing penis size you see above appeared in my Snapchat feed yesterday, along with a handful of new "friends" in my contacts. I'm not the only one being inundated by spam.

Now that it's obvious Uber is trying to put conventional taxis out of business, the people who drive those cars are more worried than ever. And in Paris, where Uber was recently legalized, that worry just spilled over into street violence.

If you're wondering why there's been little news out of Twitter-based discussion... thing Branch, here's some: Facebook is acquiring the tiny talented team for $15 million, to create a project group in New York.

If you're wondering who the fuck would help give Dave Morin $25 more million to continue Path's jaunt toward nonexistence, here's your illuminating answer: Indonesia's Bakrie Global Group, a company notorious for its disasters. This app is just the latest.

The first and only time I was permitted to gaze (through a Skype window) at the glittering visage of Tyra Banks, the tech-curious TV personality told me she would "love to have invested in Uber." Banks, who launched her own photo app and claimed to spend "a lot of time in Silicon Valley," may have better deal flow now that she's dating Shervin Pishevar, an early investor in the $3.5 billion e-hailing company.

You can get away with a lot in the ego-lacquered corridors of tech—but if people think you stole their money, they're going to try to tear you apart. TechCrunch's Ryan Lawler is on the trail of alleged startup crook Jon Mills, who friends say blew tons of cash in Vegas. Their cash.

Another strike against Google in the public outreach department: the company's experiment with water-based private transit is depriving Bay Area sea-lovers of a beloved whale watching vessel.

This probably would have been a better move before the entire company started to implode, but I'm no businessman: LivingSocial CEO Tim O'Shaughnessy is quitting his dying company.

Pando's Erin Griffith is heading to Fortune, which means Silicon Valley's press release clearinghouse of choice is down to one original writer: Michael Carney, whose claim to fame is blowing this story.

When Uber announced its plan to radically slash prices for UberX, putting massive pressure on taxis and competitors, TechCrunch said "that's just part of the story." They were right, there is another side outlined in an email Uber sent to drivers in San Francisco (full email below).

One half of the heavyweight duo operating Silicon Valley's industry blog of record is making his exit. After a little over two years at the helm alongside Alexia Tsotsis, TechCrunch co-editor Eric Eldon will soon depart the site. He planned to make the news official next week.

An eye-opening look into the world of tech public communications: a reporter at Mission Local wanted to know what Google thought about being more hated than ever these days. Its (inadvertent) reply says it all.

If Uber CEO Travis Kalanick is Keyser Söze, this is the moment in The Usual Suspects when he stops limping, sparks up a cigarette, and rides off in a sleek black car. Today, the e-hailing company announced "the most aggressive price cut the company has ever made," in order to handicap the competition.

OMFG: the startup scene is ablaze with the same lip gloss-smudged rumor: Spring Fling tiara-wearer Taylor Swift and sociopathic app dude Evan Spiegel kissed with their mouths on New Year's Eve.

There's a reason the Goldman Sachs Private Internet Company Conference is held in Vegas, and not, say, Northern Virginia. The "fuckfest" weekend is a fat, ripe chance for bankers to give startup crews—who might go public someday—the drunken time of their lives.