We know FWD.us has been working both sides of the aisle with covert TV ads, but the social network's corporate PAC is also pushing its immigration agenda with a more traditional ploy: cash handouts. Here's who's on the take, and for how much:

Apple is guilty of an ebook price-fixing conspiracy, says a federal judge, wherein the cost of books was artificially pushed up. The dullest of all frauds.

Here's a straight razor of a piece with a headline that can't be overstated: "PandoDaily Is Really Very Terrible"—the perfect analogy: "Imagine the Associated Press bragging about one of its congressional reporters being 'a huge advocate for the Capitol Hill scene.'"

If you're looking to get into the low-margin, high-turnover world of trendy e-commerce, do we have a large body of copy and pasted text for you: Fab.com is looking for an executive assistant. As long as you don't mind the constant "jokes" from your boss about being fired, you could be perfect.

Jason Calacanis, who once made a popular thing many years ago and has since been a go-to authority on race relations and poker, is ready with his forecast for the future of Google Glass. There's some bad news: the face computer's ruining his dance floor vibes, and he just might "punch you in the face" over it.

Brit "Sprinkle-Covered Yo-Yo" Morin recently received a very generous investment in her spunky camp counselor startup, Brit + Co. The company has never really made any money to speak of, but it's trying, with a series of DIY craft kits. Does this look like a multi-million dollar idea to you?

Ben Huh made himself a rich man by selling advertisements against captioned pictures of cats that other people created—something of a 21st century Andrew Carnegie. But the "I can haz _____" fever cooled, and Huh found himself with an overextended business, and had to axe staff. How's it feel to order a bloodletting? It "sucks."

Boxee was supposed to sell boxes that would change the way we watched sitcoms forever, but it didn't quite work out. Very few people bought the boxes, and the company sold itself for a (relative) pittance to Samsung. That sucks for Boxee—and it sure sucks for its customers.

Last week, in San Francisco, the lowly proles who work for Bay Area Rapid Transit went on strike. Tech columnist Sarah Lacy, who runs the incestuous startup publicity site PandoDaily, wants you to know how disgusted she is about this. How dare the transit workers have made life inconvenient for the only people who really matter, the ones who are changing the world with their startups?

Dear Employees—We hope you’ve been enjoying the caviar station next to the copy center. As we complete our fourteenth round of venture capital funding, we are pleased to announce some additional workplace perks, to be added to the list outlined in the brochure you received during your month-long orientation at Nirvana All-Inclusive Beach Resort. We trust that you still have the brochure, since, like all of our corporate literature, it is made of gold.

It's not news when someone isn't somewhere, but Facebook's top celebrity author sure convinced the internet otherwise: Sheryl Sandberg has thousands buzzing about the fact that she was not aboard a crashed plane today, despite zero initial reports that she ever was.

The newest updates to Twitter's "Developer Guidelines" have consequences for regular people, too. But it's likely that some of the pros who make our precious Twitter apps know what changed, because the company dropped its update late at night before the 4th of July.

Driving too slow? Your #UberCHOPPER is arriving now… http://t.co/zQECJMyhaT #innovation cc: @Uber

A rising wind raises all rideshare helicopters—or so the pixel Pollyannas of the Valley would have you think, all progress and prosperity. And the fact that they're raking in more money than when gold was actually falling out of the ground. But if we're in boom times, what's up with all this bummer poverty?

Marissa Mayer's charitable foundation for struggling startups has officially hit a one acquisition per day pace. Congratulations, Xobni, you are today's winner.

This is how you get someone to take a job nobody else wants: AllThingsD reports that incoming Zynga chief Don Mattrick will scoop up "about $50 million in cash and stock compensation over several years." That buys a lot of virtual cows.

No, but now you'll never need to: serial tech investor Brad Feld and his wife, Amy Batchelor, co-penned a self-help book titled Startup Life: Surviving and Thriving in a Relationship with an Entrepreneur. This is a problem most of us hope to never confront head-on, but just in case, here's what the fucking is like:

my World Series of Poker shirt: couldn't find $10k sponsorl;sponsored myself! still time left if u want your logo! pic.twitter.com/ACEZRzmyHH

Here are two very different scenes from last night: on the left, you have the team from Qwiki, a small video-sharing app that Yahoo! just purchased for $50 million. They're getting trashed at the top of New York's glamorously overpriced Standard Hotel. On the right, you have the people who say they're the real creators, and were screwed out of a fortune.

San Mateo County holds a population of over 700,000. More importantly, it holds the headquarters of Facebook. According to new government figures, the county earns more than anywhere else in America—$168,000 per year on average. Facebook employees have singlehandedly skewed the whole area.