Pay $300, Talk to Guy Who Used to Work at TechCrunch for 45 Minutes

8.23K

Sam Biddle

01/14/14 05:07PM

Filed to: journalismism

What's the opposite of a lifehack? Paying for whatever this is supposed to be: TechCrunch alumnus Jason Kincaid is going all-out in the pursuit of flackdom, charging rates usually charged by powerful lawyers for less than an hour of his time.

Startup money is bountiful, but competition for investment cash is still cutthroat—so, with all the authority of a Tony Robbins seminar, Kincaid will "help you hone your pitch, prepare for interviews with reporters, and navigate the minefield that is the tech press." He knows, because he used to be the minefield! His qualifications include being a blogger, and having once done an interview "Hunter Walk, which includes a kind introduction from TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington."

OK, so the bona fides are locked down. What do you get after you hand over $300?

"General PR advice"
"Mock interviews (I've done a lot of interviews)"
"Product advice"
"If your startup is headed in a not-so-great direction or you seem like you're doing it for the wrong reasons, I'll try to talk you out of it."

But don't get greedy: "I'm happy to help you nail down some key points, but please don't expect me to conjure a three-paragraph pitch on the spot — and while I'm happy to help over multiple sessions, I'm not going to be working on your pitch between them." Multiple sessions! It's like Instagram for the corporate revolving door.

Alternate idea: comment on Valleywag, and everyone will tell you what's wrong with your startup, free of charge.

The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

1

CpnSisko Sam Biddle 01/14/14 05:19PM

Let's invent a new word for this.

6

Ed Zitron CpnSisko 01/14/14 05:33PM

The world is 'Grelping.' Helping for greed reasons.

johnbiggs Ed Zitron 01/14/14 05:36PM

Says the PR flak.

Ed Zitron johnbiggs 01/14/14 06:07PM

i know i went for max irony

snats CpnSisko 01/14/14 07:34PM

I think good old "bullshit artist" still does the trick.

3

oldgrowth Sam Biddle 01/14/14 06:33PM

Dear Jason, I'm an old-school editor. You could use some help. Your "narrative" is too long, filled with errors and elicits too much info about your personal pain. If you would like some advice, I charge $400 an hour, and I offer remedial journalism training, complete with a lesson on ethics. However, since you are from Tech Crunch, and I also include this offer for those from Pando Daily, I will only charge you $600 A HALF-HOUR, because to work for either, you are obviously in need of grammar, AP Style, spelling and ethics training. The reason for the extra is because with Pando Daily and Tech Crunch, I add dollars for the arrogance you all befoul the air with. Sincerely, Old Growth.

1

Yuppie Scum oldgrowth 01/14/14 06:55PM

I still think it should be called PanderDaily

oldgrowth Yuppie Scum 01/14/14 07:25PM

That sounds suitable, Yuppiescum. Oldgrowth.

1

crashedpc /sarcasm oldgrowth 01/14/14 08:26PM

*coughing, flailing arms* I'd like to contribute this well-worn copy of Strunk and White that I've had since 7th grade to clear the air, please.

oldgrowth crashedpc /sarcasm 01/14/14 08:36PM

crashedpc: don't you have that on an app? who uses "copies" anymore? That's so 20th century. However, Jason could sure use all the help he can get. His note letting us all know that he isn't interested in large companies is hilarious. What legitimate large company would take seriously this four-year Tech Crunch sub-par performer? Just like that writer from Pando who moved on to Forbes. I stopped reading Forbes after reading about her "transition." Hard worker but unskilled writer does not make a good writer, but it gets you a job at Forbes.

Aleksey Sam Biddle 01/15/14 11:18AM

I'll bite and be your guinea pig, tell what's wrong with my start-up and save me $300:

https://www.maintenr.com

(inb4: everything)

1

rmric0.wedding.photographer Aleksey 01/15/14 12:12PM

It's not fun when your idea isn't obviously stupid.

Aleksey rmric0.wedding.photographer 01/15/14 12:21PM

I will take it as a compliment, thanks!

Ed Zitron Aleksey 01/15/14 03:03PM

too busy as a website and not clear enough what the hell is going on

Heather Aleksey 01/15/14 04:52PM

This seems cool, but is it just for DIYers? I would use the shit out of this if it was just for regular car owners who want to keep track of car maintenance because I am truly horrible at that. If that's the case, what would be amazing is if it had an educational component to it. I'm not saying just women feel this way (especially as cars get less and less easy to do DIY maintenance on), but as a woman walking into a body shop, I often feel really stupid and intimidated—it would be really cool if maintenr was like, "hey, you need to flush your steering fluid, and here's why."

4

crashedpc /sarcasm Sam Biddle 01/14/14 06:03PM

I really thought Kincaid was a guy who worked at TC for 45 minutes, based on the headline.