This video praising the virtues of HTC smartphones features an actual rapper, alongside someone who is not an actual rapper. See if you can tell which one is which. My theory is that Samsung, Apple, and Motorola all kicked in to make this video, because watching this makes it impossible for you to own an HTC device without feeling constantly ashamed.

Apple just earned more profit in a single quarter than any company, ever, and the hacks in Silicon Valley press are fawning all over CEO Tim Cook and praising his genius. But you know what? They're right. Tim Cook is a brilliant CEO. He may, in fact, be way better at running Apple than Steve Jobs was. Let's discuss.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day happens a week from today, on Monday Jan. 19. But it's not a holiday for the loyal employees of Apple. They have to go to work.

Marco Arment is well-known and well-regarded in Apple fanblogger circles. He's both a developer (he was CTO at Tumblr, and then created Instapaper) and a pundit whose articles often contain footnotes, just like David Foster Wallace. The main thing to know about passionate Apple bloggers and podcasters like Marco Arment is that Rule Number 1 is that you never say anything bad about Apple. That's why today the world of Apple lovers has been shaken to the core — because Marco Arment has violated the prime directive, and declared that Apple's software, well, kind of blows:

Since he took control of Apple after the death of Steve Jobs, it feels like the only person who didn't say how Tim Cook is the most powerful gay executive in the world was Tim Cook. Today, he lets it all out.

Tech's biggest players have been clamoring for the federal government to reform their immigration policies, demanding the expansion of the H-1B visa program. But tech's current crop of immigrant workers often find themselves "trapped" by "labor trafficking" rings that are rarely held responsible for abuses.

Apple built considerable anticipation for their September media event. They erected a mysterious white building at site where Steve Jobs unveiled the first Macintosh computer in 1984, leading fanboys to feverishly speculate something mind-blowing was inside. It was just a stage to unveil Watch and a bigger iPhone.

Tech corporations have perfected the science of the employee perk: a lavish amenity designed to keep workers in the office and fixated on the job. The recent announcement that Facebook and Apple will pay for female employees to freeze their eggs is perhaps the most fascinating example of what's behind America's unbalanced work-is-life mindset.

Rarely does an Apple employee leave the Jobsian cult and bad-mouth their former leaders. But when they do, we learn that Apple is business built on long-hours and abuse. These recent tales from two former managers make the company sound a lot worse.

The latest consumer panic around the bend-ability of new iPhones is largely overblown. Most thin metal things bend. But according to the editors of Computer Bild, a hugely popular tech magazine based in Germany, Apple is banning them for even showing a bending phone.

The European Commission is set to formally accuse Apple of funneling billions into an illegal Irish tax shelter—possibility setting up the world's largest corporation for "a record fine of as much as several billions of euros," according to the Financial Times.

Apple may have only unveiled their long-awaited Watch a few weeks ago, but they're already pushing the government to make sure it isn't subjected to health privacy regulations. According to Politico, companies including Intel, Apple, and Fitbit are pouring millions into lobbying campaigns against regulating wearables like medical devices.

UPDATE 6:30pm: Apple has denied TechCrunch's claims that Beats Music is being shut down, saying the report "is not true." Re/code further refuted TechCrunch's story, writing: "Apple won't shutter the streaming service. It may, however, modify it over time, and one of those changes could involved changing the Beats Music brand."

Like an emotionally abusive high school coach still haunting your anxiety dreams, the specter of Steve Jobs looms over the Apple of today. Maybe preserving his office three years after his death is making that worse.

Last week, Apple CEO Tim Cook pranked the entire iPhone-toting world with a gratis copy of U2's new album—"Songs Of Innocence"—beamed directly to everyone's phone, without asking. Today, it's letting you undo this dark magic.

Last night, Pando reported that Apple is about to acquire Path, according to a single source in Apple's engineering team. We heard second-hand that Path is at least in talks with Apple. The idea that an app currently ranked no. 177 in the social networking category on iOS might end up in Apple's ion-strengthened embrace has left some in the tech community questioning their life choices.

One of the many gospels Apple delivered to tech bloggers today was Apple Pay. It's a magical sounding mobile payments system that will use near field communication (NFC) to let users pay for things in front of them through their phone. The magic might be lost on child CEO Lucas Duplan, who raised more than $30 million for Clinkle by telling venture capitalists he could do the same thing. He has not.

Today's portable telephone orgasm is only hours away from beginning, which makes this the perfect time to read this—an interview with someone who knows all about how Apple controls journalists.

Silicon Valley tried to settle away a $9 billion wage-fixing lawsuit, which alleges that companies including Apple and Google colluded to suppress employee wages. But a federal judge nixed the paltry $324.5 million pay out, saying it was not enough. Now the companies behind the conspiracy are appealing, insisting the lowball figure is adequate.

In about a week, Apple will announce a new phone. This will become national news, and coverage of a piece of metal, plastic and glass will dwarf that of human suffering here and abroad. You've probably already read some exciting things about the iPhone 6, even though it doesn't technically exist yet, and is a "big secret." That's not an accident—Apple makes reporters do their advertising.