What feels like several dozen years ago, Silicon Valley's reformed party boy and his Middle Earth bride celebrated their love (and love of nature) by shitting up part of a protected redwood forest. Now the state is making him build them an "I'm Sorry" app.

Whisper became a darling of the L.A. startup scene based on one simple premise: an app that lets you safely, anonymously share details of your life. But a new report from The Guardian shows the company has been covertly tracking the people who trust it most.

If the App Store presented developers with a potential river of revenue when it launched six years ago, it's little more than a trickle today. The Financial Times says profits are "squeezed" as the App Store becomes more "industrialized."

Is there any way to keep white people from using computers, before this whole planet is ruined? I ask because the two enterprising white entrepreneurs above just made yet another app for avoiding non-white areas of your town—and it's really taking off!

Youths are our greatest national resource, and the youth of today are making apps for effortless on-demand junk food delivery. I talked to one, 19-year-old Max Hellerstein, who captured today's tech headlines with his new startup, Push For Pizza.

The new American Dream was going so well: drop out, make an app for sending emojis that disappear after 5 seconds, and collect your check. But it turns out the app gold rush is broken for almost everyone.

I moved back to New York from Cairo in January of 2014, and among the biggest culture shocks was American Tinder. In Cairo, there was the occasional woman, mostly Russian tourists on holiday, using the mobile dating app; in New York, I met a torrent of instant flirtation. Patterns emerged: apparently almost every woman under 30 in this city "Loves whiskey," is really into Hallmark-caliber affirmation quotes, and fake moustaches. Tinder seemed like a lot of work. So much swiping, so much chatting, only to be disappointed in the flesh.

Capitalism always gets the last laugh: Twitter and ProductHunt are gushing about yet another way to share your feeds and streams, and it's an iPhone app called Socialist. Cute!

In an ideal world, people would only make things that were good and that other people wanted to use. Until then, we've got public relations professionals who help pitch ideas like "PeepMe," an app for showing people how much money you spend.

Investor Semil Shah has christened a new category of startups. By the power vested in him by TechCrunch, all apps that help users to summon goods and services will henceforth be part of the lucrative "Tap Your Phone, Get Stuff" family.

Posting secrets anonymously is an old idea on the internet, but Secret is special for one reason: so far it's completely taken over by gossiping techies, early adopters with lots of bile to unload. It's part therapy, part confession, part defamation, and it's a lot of fun to eavesdrop.

Never, ever forget: the Silicon Valley insider crowd is exempt from the rules and norms of the rest of the citizenry. TechCrunch excitedly reports on a new app called "Fixed," which will help San Franciscans automatically kill parking tickets, whether or not they deserve it.

Tech investors said Viddy, an Instagram clone with video, was worth $370 million. The tech press parroted the "Instagram for video" line until their lips chapped, assuming it was true—since when is app hype wrong? Turns out it was! The startup just sold itself for an itty bitty percentage of that figure, because no one used it.

After Valleywag called out Circle, a contact list-bombing social network no one asked for, the company's CEO apologized via bloggy mea culpa, and pledged to be less annoying. Good!

A fawning, sprawling writeup from TechCrunch and the co-sign of a pop boy-deity looks like it wasn't enough: the hyper-hyped Shots of Me app is already sliding into oblivion.

Lulu, an app that lets women anonymously torment their dude Facebook friends with sexual feedback, is one of those you play with briefly and then forget. It's a gimmick—half malice, half prank, and all dumb, which is why it was plummeting in the app store. Until the Times stirred up the toilet bowl today.

I've got some bad news: you just died and now you're in hell. The first thing you'll encounter in hell is this TechCrunch post, which is 1,200 words long, and about "Shots For Me," a Bieber-backed venture dedicated to taking selfies, which you can already do with other apps.

Ask the brassy Stanford CS department about Clinkle, the student project that's taken $25 million in venture capital and produced nothing but a video, and they'll tell you they hate it. They hate it enough, apparently, to show the world what it looks like:

After a steady spell of buying its way to the top of download charts, Path is plummeting out of even the top thousand iPhone apps—which makes sense, given that the app has never become popular outside of geek niches. But, guys wasn't Path supposed to be worth half a billion dollars, at least?

Dave Morin, spammy app guy and interpreter of God's will, has finally realized virtual stickers aren't going to make Path profitable. His radical idea: ask people to pay for a yearly subscription to Facebook Lite.