Sean Parker's Wedding Was So Horrible He Has to Make an Apology App
What feels like several dozen years ago, Silicon Valley's reformed party boy and his Middle Earth bride celebrated their love (and love of nature) by shitting up part of a protected redwood forest. Now the state is making him build them an "I'm Sorry" app.
Unfortunately, it's not just an app that loops a short animation of Sean Parker mouthing I'm sorry for my materially grotesque and environmentally insensitive wedding ceremony, or a sort of "apologies-on-demand" service for summoning a contrite Parker to your location. No, it's useful and dull, the San Francisco Chronicle reports:
In a novel punishment for a Silicon Valley bad boy, former Facebook president Sean Parker will not only have to fork out $2.5 million to make amends for his environmental blunder at his Big Sur wedding last year, authorities said Thursday.
He must also create a beach-mapping app for the state agency that busted him.
[...]
The mobile app that Parker and the state are developing, Christie said, will help beach-goers navigate the sometimes tricky routes around private property to California's always-public coastline.
That's a nice thought and all, but given that Parker's last app venture was a complete and total dud, maybe he could better serve the public picking up highway litter like everyone else.