The key to sound like an informed, annoying Silicon Valley insider for Fall '14 is owning an invite-only Ello account. Talking point: it's like Facebook, but it puts people above companies. Except, exactly like Facebook, brands will run the show.

Facebook pulled the best practical joke of the internet age: the company convinced countless celebrities, bands, and "brands" that its service was the best way to reach people with eyeballs and money. Maybe it is! But now that companies have taken the bait, Facebook is holding the whole operation hostage.