Marissa Mayer should have watched Glengary Glen Ross before jetting off to Cannes Lions, the annual festival that lets ad buyers pretend they're Angelina Jolie. Multiple reports say her stilted presentation failed to close the deal.

Only three short, sweet years ago, David Karp was just another dreamy eyed dropout sitting atop a billion dollar idea. He wore a lot of plaid. He told the L.A. Times that the concept of advertising "really turns our stomachs." Today, he's on the beach, saying the best part of Vogue is the ads. David.

The gilded dust has settled across Cannes after last week's advertising Hajj, and by all indications, Tumblr's party was a hit! Drinks, palm trees, etc. But we weren't invited, and neither were you, so here's what it would've been like to attend Karp's fabulous French bar tab.

Mostly because you weren't invited, but also because there's a muzzled guard dog standing outside of it like a checkpoint on the Berlin Wall.