It's always been fun to be a decadent asshole, but it's never been so easy. It's also apparently good business to help scale haute tech self-indulgence, as evidenced by a buzzy new food startup that's literally called Caviar.

Soylent is a tough sell, as it's impossible to try it and not think about eating sperm. But it's a cult hit among a certain Silicon Valley subset, which swears it's actually a viable alternative to the venerable human pastime of chewing. It sounds (is?) crazy, but not too crazy to get a big new funding round.

Villainous agri-corp Monsanto, known for playing God with your cornflakes and terrorizing small farmers, just locked down a big acquisition: TechCrunch reports it now owns Climate Corporation, a firm that specializes in "big data" weather prediction. Silicon Valley meets an episode of Captain Planet.

Behold the era of software companies that are literally disgusting: Goldbely, with the name and business sense of a cartoon Bond villain, just snagged a big check for an unfathomably unappetizing idea. For only $100, you can get an authentic Philly cheesesteak shipped to your Silicon Valley office, and then puke.

Over $6 million in venture capital has been handed to Grubwithus, a company that thinks it can make money by arranging meals between strangers. It looks like that bet was probably wrong.

Silicon Valley has no time for the dictates of supply and demand: if a programmer wants to eat at one of San Francisco's most exclusive restaurants, he's going to get that fucking table by exploiting the place's website, because fuck you, that's why.

Dear Employees—We hope you’ve been enjoying the caviar station next to the copy center. As we complete our fourteenth round of venture capital funding, we are pleased to announce some additional workplace perks, to be added to the list outlined in the brochure you received during your month-long orientation at Nirvana All-Inclusive Beach Resort. We trust that you still have the brochure, since, like all of our corporate literature, it is made of gold.

The golden era of burrito delivery approaches: Bloomberg reports that Seamless and GrubHub will soon team up as one company. The two sites are pretty much the same—soon they'll just be larger. No word on a new name.

VentureBeat brings us the breaking news that something called "Foodpanda" just locked down $20 million in funding. The big, expensive idea? Ordering takeout. Through the internet.

Raw meat soaked in hot fat for hours on end: either delicious or a deliciously horrible metaphor for Silicon Valley.