There's nothing worse than getting married, then realizing you could have done so much better. Such was the dilemma of tech media's preeminent naif, Farhad Manjoo, is ditching the Wall Street Journal to place David Pogue's crown upon his head at the New York Times, and is now the most coveted writer of our era.

What's the opposite of a lifehack? Paying for whatever this is supposed to be: TechCrunch alumnus Jason Kincaid is going all-out in the pursuit of flackdom, charging rates usually charged by powerful lawyers for less than an hour of his time.

Pando's Erin Griffith is heading to Fortune, which means Silicon Valley's press release clearinghouse of choice is down to one original writer: Michael Carney, whose claim to fame is blowing this story.

How to get a "30 Under 30" nod from Forbes, in the coveted finance category: provide a documented history of being a bad boss at a company that has never released a single product, or even acknowledged what its product is. Congratulations, Clinkle CEO Lucas Duplan.

Hamish McKenszie, who provided the occasional sign of life in an otherwise algae-clogged editorial pro-corporate dead zone, has left PandoDaily for a PR gig at Tesla Motors, multiple sources tell me (and his LinkedIn confirms). Leaving Pando to join an actual startup—Sarah Lacy must be weeping with pride.

Nature abhors a vacuum, Silicon Valley abhors even the most minute attempt at criticism. So when Quartz's Christopher Mims wrote "2013 was a lost year for tech," gallant techies took offense. Charging at the fore was TechCrunch alum and VC MG Siegler, who has really had it up to here with reporters thinking critically:

It's been a banner year for Silicon Valley's blog of record—investor cash is flowing, and incomprehensible gibberish companies are flourishing. As are incomprehensible gibberish articles about them.

If you're considering a $400 subscription to The Information, the new tech reporting venture from star Wall Street Journal alum Jessica Lessin, you're buying more than news. As her Pacific Heights mansion launch party made clear, Lessin is still (uncomfortably) close with her Facebook husband's executive friends.

This recent profile in Vanity Fair is very, very strange, in that it obsesses over Marissa Mayer being very, very strange. It hits all the usual notes about the Yahoo! CEO (She's a geek! She loves fashion! Math, too! Google!) But it also, not-so-subtly, makes repeated innuendos about Mayer possibly being autistic.

As we previously reported, WSJ alum Jessica Lessin's new site—"The Information"—is live, and it's behind a big ol' paywall. A $400 per year paywall. "We need to write articles that deliver value worth paying for," she says. Will you?

Words have power. Words have weight. And words—particularly when leveled against the underprivileged tech sector workers of Silicon Valley—can hurt. What might seem like a silly term to you is someone else's cultural nightmare—so cool it with the "t*chie" talk, OK?

TechCrunch alum Paul Carr's e-zine NSFW Corp has gone under, The Guardian reports. Carr says he will join longtime friend Sarah Lacy at her site, PandoDaily, which will also hire some of his staff.

Lulu, an app that lets women anonymously torment their dude Facebook friends with sexual feedback, is one of those you play with briefly and then forget. It's a gimmick—half malice, half prank, and all dumb, which is why it was plummeting in the app store. Until the Times stirred up the toilet bowl today.

I've got some bad news: you just died and now you're in hell. The first thing you'll encounter in hell is this TechCrunch post, which is 1,200 words long, and about "Shots For Me," a Bieber-backed venture dedicated to taking selfies, which you can already do with other apps.

Before Kno, an education startup, was sold for chump change yesterday, it was on its way to the top. Don't take my word for it: just look at all the "smart" "tech" "experts" who poured $100 million and thousands of fawning words into the turkey.

If you recall Nick D'Aloisio, it's likely because of the time he spammed Gizmodo to the point of tears, and then sold his dinky app company to Yahoo! for millions of dollars. Then we all forgot about it. Now, the Wall Street Journal says he "has changed the way we read." Really!

In 2011, TechCrunch founder and Bully-in-Chief Michael Arrington gave an off the record talk to an audience of powerful tech CEOs. Details of unsavory comments leaked. Later that year, he did it again, and now we have the closed-doors video of Arrington's corruption, in his own words.

This weekend, the Level Playing Field Institute brought together a group of middle and high school students "from minority groups underrepresented in computer science" for a brainstorming meetup and tech project competition. Here's what TechCrunch wrote about instead:

The latest Android payola stunt is meant for journalists, of course, but if you're in Manhattan next week, why not swing by? Literally anyone with arms can be a blogger. Bring your party pants and a hunger for gratis electronics.