Two years ago, Tumblr's overabundance of porn was well-documented. Today, nothing has changed: it's still a JPEG sex bonanza. Which is A-OK with us—but what would Yahoo do about the blowjobs, wrist-slitting, racism, and other advertising-unfriendly stuff?

New rumors that Yahoo is eyeing Tumblr for a mega-pricy acquisition are startling at first. It'd be an expensive, desperate plan. But if you look over the company's past, you'll see history repeating itself—and a trail of blood.

Yahoo has a problem: it has no idea what it's doing, or how it's going to do it (outside of teenage dream hires). Some people who claim intimate knowledge say the company is going to do it by throwing a serious Hail Mary in its quest for cool: buying Tumblr for $1,000,000,000. That's one billion.

Yahoo doesn't do much these days except buy silly startups and gather mounds of traffic from parents who don't know how to change their homepage. The company needs a new direction—and it's... more advertising? Oh no.

Fred Amoroso, Yahoo's Chairman of the Board, will not "seek reelection to the board." Which is a polite way to resign. Which is a polite way to quit. Which looks bad for Yahoo.

What the hell is Yahoo? No one knows. But it's definitely not in the business of events planning anymore, with the news that it's unceremoniously killing Upcoming.org after ten years.