Silicon Valley's version of transubstantiation: "Just about any company that hits the scale Snapchat is hitting can generate revenue eventually. One of the company's investors told us that any big web company eventually figures it out."

It appears as though our imperialist friends across the Atlantic have elevated the feature-length glossy troll to an art form. There is no other way to explain why the December issue of British Vogue decided to refer to Yahoo CEO (CEO!) Marissa Mayer, One Kings Lane cofounder Alison Pincus, and Kleiner Perkins partner Juliet de Baubigny as the "alpha trio" of new breed of socialite: "Silicon Wives and Girlfriends."

According to an AllThingsD report and a Valleywag source close to the company, Fab.com is planning another sweeping round of layoffs, to be announced Friday. This time, the little people are getting hit.

J-Law posted this photo of a mutually promotional visit to Facebook HQ: "Thanks to Sheryl Sandberg and the Facebook team for hosting everyone for a fan Q&A to end the day.#GlobalFanDay#CatchingFire"

At this point, the Yahoo's financials are still propped up by a shrewd Chinese investment and the traffic of uncles who can't change their bookmarks. So until the company reinvents itself as an advertising firm, it'll have to make do selling old crap it found lying around.

A Wall Street Journal report says Snapchat's insane $4 billion valuation is already going to its head: the disappearing pic startup rejected a $3 billion buyout offer from Zuckerberg. Three billion in cash. Zero sense.

I've got some bad news: you just died and now you're in hell. The first thing you'll encounter in hell is this TechCrunch post, which is 1,200 words long, and about "Shots For Me," a Bieber-backed venture dedicated to taking selfies, which you can already do with other apps.

There are certain risks any reporter exposes herself to by agreeing to interview the cofounders of Rap Genius. Once you've crossed the wobbly line of crushed up Vyvanse into their Williamsburg offices, there's no going back. There they are on your gChat, up in your Snapchat, sending invitations to events that possibly only occur in the trippy Playa of their minds.

Quora says it has "no near term plans" of attempting to make any money at all, likely because it was founded by two extremely rich people and doesn't need to ever make money. We need to rethink what's considered a "business."

Before Kno, an education startup, was sold for chump change yesterday, it was on its way to the top. Don't take my word for it: just look at all the "smart" "tech" "experts" who poured $100 million and thousands of fawning words into the turkey.

A month before San Francisco's last mayoral election, when Ed Lee's rivals struggled to raise funds, Lee was helped along by independent committees like San Franciscans for Jobs and Good Government, a group funded by Ron Conway and Sean Parker. In one quarter alone, they raised $364,000, half from Conway and $100,000 from Parker.

This week, the National Music Publishers Association sent a take-down notice to 50 sites, including Rap Genius, that "engage in blatant illegal behavior" by publishing song lyrics without a license. The NMPA is only targeting commercial sites that make money off those unlicensed lyrics and not personal blogs or fan sites.

Fight, fight for Empress Marissa: the arena must be refreshed with nerd blood. After pissing everyone at Yahoo! off by making them come into the office, AllThingsD reports Marissa Mayer's latest HR edict is drawing more ire. Employee versus employee.

Malign Dave Eggers' latest work of Silicon Valley sci-fi all you'd like, but he nails one thing: tech's adoration of creepy corporate campuses. Not only does Apple's upcoming superstructure resemble a UFO, it employs a man whose sole job is thinking about decorative trees.

In most corners of our planet, five guys with office jobs wouldn't be a gathering worth buying a ticket for—you could just show up to a bar, or batting cage. But in tech-land, five guys aren't five guys—they're a conference waiting to happen.

Kno, the Color of online learning startups, which raised $73.4 million from Andreessen Horowitz, SV Angel, GSV Capital, and more, was sold for "literally pennies on a dollar," to Intel, reports Om Malik. "The venture investors lost pretty much their shirts on this deal."

After wide layoffs and a co-founder quitting, inside sources tell us things are getting even worse at the high-design warehouse: Fab's COO is out, and more are planning to follow her lead. This could be an implosion for the online shopping darling.

TechStars New York has hired a new managing director, almost five months to the day after the accelerator fired its previous managing director, Eugene Chung.