It's been a couple months since the last employee throat-slitting over at AOL, but the peaceful streak ends today: more firings across many departments while a new exec summers on Martha's Vineyard.

In the slow battle between humankind's love of porn and Tumblr's need to somehow make money, we find ourselves in a sort of ceasefire: boobs can stay, but they won't be easy to find. Caught in the armistice are plenty of inoffensive things. Why can't I search for #gay on my phone, but it's easy to find naked teens?

Marissa Mayer is quickly establishing herself as tech's preeminent taxidermist: the company will acquire Rockmelt, AllThingsD reports, a social aggregation something something that no one else wanted. They're paying $60 million for a dud. There's a pattern here.

Unless you've been accused of murder, replying to critics on the internet is generally a horrible idea. Case in point: Sean Parker, whose repeated railings against press commentary on his wedding has only spawned more. Now he's threatening to sue his critics. Sean. Sean.

There's a new Android phone, and it's very nice and pretty much just like all the other very nice ones. It's also—Motorola can't stress this enough—ovary-friendly. It'll match your Pop Rocks and pink socks!

Ex-Facebook president, drug enthusiast, and High Elf of The Redwoods Sean Parker is a private man—he just wanted to marry his beautiful cosplaying fiancee in peace, along with hundreds of their rich and powerful friends. Oh, and a Vanity Fair writer, who detailed the whole thing.

Last year, when an admirer of Facebook's sorta-creepy motivational posters tried to sell his own for zero profit, the social network's resident graphic designer blew his lid, crying ripoff. Today, all the Silicon Valley platitudes you can imagine can be bought on one website.

It's July (almost August!), but a haunted house is never out of season: one third of the team at an L.A. digital ad company work—and sleep—in one abode. Without a salary. There is no Silicon Cult. There is no Silicon Cult.

Yesterday, Zynga's lawyers threatened the hook-up app Bang with Friends with a trademark lawsuit. Since then Zynga sources have been whispering that the publicly-traded time bomb has tried to resolve the issue "amicably" for months. But Bang with Friends CEO Colin Hodge vehemently denied that claim.

Unless the company recently acqui-hired an ironic sense of humor, Facebook might want to give its graphic design interns a brief lesson on history. Or hubris. Or both!

Marissa Mayer has been at the helm of Yahoo! for just over a year, and in those fleeting twelve months, has purchased 18 companies. Today, AllThingsD reports it becomes 19, and we still don't really know why.

We've talked plenty about Google's executive chairman, Eric "2 Hot 4 Instagram" Schmidt, and his love-making manse. Today, here's Bill Maris, managing partner at Google Ventures, one of the most powerful tech investment firms in the world, in dayglo drag.

Zynga, the failing company behind games you used to play like Draw Something and Words With Friends, is getting desperate as it falters: Bloomberg reports the firm is taking silly sex app Bang With Friends to court for trademark infringement.

Even if your Lyft driver isn't trying to get in your jeggings with a fake cancer diagnosis, West Coast ridesharers face a new threat: citizen arrest.

The marketplace of ideas! Survival of the fittest... company! Clash of corporations, let the best business reap all! San Francisco's latest attempt to smother a trivial problem with an overabundance of technology is here: Prim, another techie service for idle people who don't like laundry.

Just over a month after investors valued sparkly decor warehouse Fab.com as a $1 billion company, the commerce startup is laying off 100 employees, reports AllThingsD.

Did you read any articles about Apple's long-rumored "cheap iPhone"? The gadget mill is churning with fresh evidence for the mythical handset, fed by a new undercover investigation from China Labor Watch. You'd never guess the investigation uncovered even more horrendous labor practices.

When the Valley vanguard talks about itself as special, separate, and generally better than anyone not involved in a tech company, it's usually rhetoric. At least it used to be. Tech people with money are creating a new fantasy land, a mountaintop gathering called Summit Outside. Welcome to camp.

Dave Morin, the smug Silicon Valley smoothie and Facebook alum, has never been easy to like. He runs a boutique social network that spams your friends, he's married to an insufferable plagiarist, and once boasted to Vanity Fair of the "bespoke app" he made for his secretary. Now, here's one more reason to think he's a jerk: