Last week, Google announced that Eric Schmidt got a $106 million bonus based on the company's 2013 performance. According to the New York Post, he hasn't wasted any time putting it to good use.

Why on earth would AOL CEO Tim Armstrong blame "distressed babies" for cutting back retirement benefits? Perhaps because he has a history of flipping out when it comes to female employees with complicated pregnancies.

For the first time ever, Google has given into regulatory pressure to change its search results. Today, the company reached a settlement with antitrust regulators in the European Union, thereby "wriggling out of billions of dollars in potential fines," reports the Wall Street Journal.

Eric Schmidt used to be the CEO of Google, and now he's not. But the company just decided to reward him with $106 million—100 in stock, six in cash—as an annual bonus. That's about $80 million more than the CEO of Goldman Sachs. It's also fucked up and insane.

Some moon shots are more self-serving than others. On April 2, Google will split its stock for the first time, in an "unorthodox" move to that shareholders fear will benefit cofounders Larry Page and Sergey Brin "at the expense of just about everyone else," reports the Associated Press.

Google isn't just a scapegoat. Data-centric journalist Chris Walker plotted an array of data against a map of San Francisco's Google Bus stops, and shows just how these shuttles can help change a neighborhood.

For 20 minutes or so today, Gmail was unavailable, and a million corny tweets flitted in and out of white-collar attention spans. Among them was a short, subtle, teasing message from Yahoo!, ribbing its chief corporate competitor with a simple notice that "Gmail is temporarily unavailable" and a screenshot of an error message. Hours later, it apologized. This is pathetic.

The day after an uncomfortable internal leak out of Google, anti-gentrification activists in San Francisco are attempting to shut down private shuttles from Facebook and Google, the old fashioned way.

Google's private shuttle system, which whisks staffers away from the cruel streets of San Francisco to the sterile safety of Mountain View, already has a big image problem. What could make it even more dystopian? How about a memo from the overlords with eerie talking points?

In the warm afterglow of a $3.2 billion acquisition, a sated executive can find himself muttering the professional version of pillow talk. That's what Nest CEO Tony Fadell sounded like on stage this morning at the DLD conference in Munich.

There's now a layer of corporate muscle standing between window-smashers and Google's soft, fleshy staffers: Reuters reports San Francisco's highly controversial campus shuttles are now being guarded.

"After the thermostat, we're going to reimagine every unloved product in people's lives." That's the "key" single line in Nest's pitch deck that got Kleiner Perkins to invest. Four years later, Google acquired the company for $3.2 billion. Keep spinning that carousel, Don Drapers.

Google just agreed to pay $3.2 billion in cash to buy Nest Labs, the makers of "unloved but important" home devices like thermostats and smoke alarms, i.e. hardware that could help save and improve lives for a huge demographic of homeowners. How does the saying go: Two Internet of Things is worth one ephemeral in the bush?

Another strike against Google in the public outreach department: the company's experiment with water-based private transit is depriving Bay Area sea-lovers of a beloved whale watching vessel.

An eye-opening look into the world of tech public communications: a reporter at Mission Local wanted to know what Google thought about being more hated than ever these days. Its (inadvertent) reply says it all.

There's been a lot of talk about easing tensions in San Francisco of late. Ron Conway wants to squash it, Mayor Ed Lee begged it hush up. Now Google is giving it a shot . . . in the most socially awkward way possible: a private employees-only ferry named The Triumphant.

"It takes a few days for things to return to normal, but we're officially back!," says the recently exiled lyrics crew. Sure enough, RG links are popping back up on Google, and the foot-in-mouth Yalie founders say they're "sorry for being such morons."

After being basically kicked off of the internet by Google, Andreessen Horowitz's $15 million golden child, is as popular in the new year as it was in the summer of 2011.

It wasn't just Christmas, kiddos: Google's swift and merciless de-listing of Rap Genius has sent the site's traffic even further towards oblivion, as shown by the newest numbers out of Quantcast.