The best part about being a rich old white lady (and there are many!) is you can say things like this about startups in a new interview with Vanity Fair: “They bore the hell out of me."

When Marissa Mayer isn't posing upside down in lawn chairs, Yahoo's chief executive is doing normal CEO stuff, like buying this miniature, $33,000 version of Palo Alto's Peninsula Creamery. To place in her backyard. For her infant son.

What'd you do on Friday? Best-selling motivational author Sheryl Sandberg netted $91 million dollars in Facebook stock sales, a fortissimo note after months of steady selling.

AllThingsD's Peter Kafka reports some glum news from a recent Yahoo! financial filing: when the confused internet portal sealed its deal, Tumblr has only $16 million in the bank. That's a lot to us, but peanuts for one of the most popular sites on the entire internet.

Or at the very least, much larger, more expensive, and includes a petting zoo. Is that a guy in chain mail making giant bubbles? It's all happening right now, in a Californian parking lot, far, far away.

Dennis Crowley, creator of that clever, increasingly helpful app that's never quite taken off, has a new profile in Fast Company. The article navigates Crowley's giant ambitions for the geo-app, his insecurities about not reaching them so far, and reveals one important number: money.

Stock analysts are usually happy with nothing except insane, impossible financial performance (see: Apple), but today investors are content. Facebook's earnings are huge—Sean Parker wedding huge—particularly in mobile ads, where it's needed most.

Have you ever cared about something as much as Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos cares about NASA engine components at the bottom of the sea? I doubt it. Note to all American tycoons: this is how you should show off.

After four years in San Francisco's Noe Valley hood, one of Twitter's dads, Evan Williams, is moving on to something better, and presumably more expensive.

This isn't how it's supposed to work. If you're Jason Goldberg, with a billion dollar iPhone-case-and-throw-rug company, you get what you want. Don't like coats on the back of chairs? Threaten termination. Want to switch seats in first class? Bribe the person next to you. So why isn't it working?

Last month, San Francisco startups raised $1.3 billion—more than New York, Boston, and LA put together, and more than a quarter of all the investment cash in the entire United States.

A rising wind raises all rideshare helicopters—or so the pixel Pollyannas of the Valley would have you think, all progress and prosperity. And the fact that they're raking in more money than when gold was actually falling out of the ground. But if we're in boom times, what's up with all this bummer poverty?

This is how you get someone to take a job nobody else wants: AllThingsD reports that incoming Zynga chief Don Mattrick will scoop up "about $50 million in cash and stock compensation over several years." That buys a lot of virtual cows.

San Mateo County holds a population of over 700,000. More importantly, it holds the headquarters of Facebook. According to new government figures, the county earns more than anywhere else in America—$168,000 per year on average. Facebook employees have singlehandedly skewed the whole area.

Let's disrupt modesty: Drew Houston, who created the widely popular cloud-syncing service Dropbox, just shared a little gem from his past. Do you remember the day you became a tech millionaire? He sure does—and here's the unimpeachable proof!

The photo app du jour just received a cash injection that places its value at $800 million. Snapchat generates zero revenue, but the folks at IVP are very understanding: "It’s no secret that Snapchat has yet to turn on it’s monetization engine." My new favorite euphemism.

Even after (or maybe because of?) spending the first half of this year making headlines for layoffs, AOL still has money. At least, enough to put its logo across a hillside "villa party" in one of the swankiest places in the world.

That's really the magic number now, huh? AllThingsD reports that the super-chic chair and bauble site just raised $150 million dollars, bringing its valuation to a billi. “I don’t consider us a success yet," says Fab's co-founder.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: a company that makes virtually no money at all might get a massive, billion dollar price tag out of thin air (but at least people use Tumblr!). According to TechCrunch tipsters, the small and shady social network's spam blitz might've worked.