Okay, Wall Street Journal, might as well get this rolling today: "The clock is now ticking for Marissa Mayer," says the paper's Doug MacMillan. It's true: Yahoo! loves firing its CEOs, and Marissa Mayer hasn't really accomplished anything outside of the superficial. So, how long does she have?

A new SEC filing out of Yahoo! confirms two sad things we already knew: it's tremendously easy for a man to make more than a woman, and it's stupid simple to be filthy rich and also be bad at your job. Where do the rest of us sign up?

You can call yourself "utterly pointless," flounder in beta forever, pivot, then show a downward slope in the App Store, and still get acqui-hired by Yahoo. No man left behind, no landing too soft.

No, this isn't the worst ever episode of Weekend Update—Marissa Mayer continues to do a painfully awkward video presentation during each Yahoo! quarterly earnings report. It needs to stop doing this, because non-struggling companies do not do this.

It looks like all that synergy wasn't enough to help Marissa Mayer steer Yahoo in a more promising direction. Despite hyping improved ad technology at CES, with revenue down, the ship is staying afloat thanks mostly to equity in Alibaba.

For 20 minutes or so today, Gmail was unavailable, and a million corny tweets flitted in and out of white-collar attention spans. Among them was a short, subtle, teasing message from Yahoo!, ribbing its chief corporate competitor with a simple notice that "Gmail is temporarily unavailable" and a screenshot of an error message. Hours later, it apologized. This is pathetic.

The company has no clear direction, it employs Dave Pogue, a marketing exec is in charge of the media division, Yahoo! Mail is a wreck, and morale is low—but at least the urinal cakes show team spirit.

Henrique De Castro has been pushed out of Yahoo on a plank lined with RSUs. The chief operating officer, whom insiders described as a "dead man walking," is leaving with a $20 million stock bonus after working at the company for a little more than a year.

No sooner had Marissa Mayer pledged her allegiance to content (and advertising!) at CES than she put David Pogue to work. On stage this afternoon, the new head of Yahoo Tech "magazine" just wrapped up an interview with Nick D'Aloisio, the insufferable entrepreneur that Mayer made a multimillionaire before his 18th birthday.

In July, Tumblr's tween creator David Karp predicted native, multimedia advertising would be the most exciting, dazzling part of the company. At the year's end, they're running depressing link ads for the yellow pages.

Since Yahoo! decided to buy itself many million cool, popular teens, we've been wondering just how much the billion dollar purchase is working out. Are they clicking ads? And more importantly, just how popular did Tumblr make its historically square parent company? It was murky before, and now they're making it even more opaque.

We have no idea what Katie Couric is going to do for Yahoo! other than get people talking and writing about Yahoo!, but we do know she'll be paid handsomely for it: TMZ is citing a $6 million per year paycheck. And it's a part-time gig. Yahoo indeed.

It only took half a year for the un-beating heart of America's tech sector to show any unified opposition to NSA dragnet techniques: ReformGovernmentSurveillance.com is a lazy piece of PR dreck—and about as transparently self-serving as it gets.

Business Insider reports that Yahoo began "serious talks to buy" Imgur, the meme-laden photo-sharing site that grew of its symbiosis with Reddit, this fall. We heard a similar rumor from a source in late October that we weren't able to substantiate. At the time, the source said the deal "might be up to $200 million."

This recent profile in Vanity Fair is very, very strange, in that it obsesses over Marissa Mayer being very, very strange. It hits all the usual notes about the Yahoo! CEO (She's a geek! She loves fashion! Math, too! Google!) But it also, not-so-subtly, makes repeated innuendos about Mayer possibly being autistic.

It's 2013, and David Karp, David Pogue, and Katie Couric are now coworkers. Think about that. They're not sharing a stage at some boring conference or wacky variety show: they're part of the same baffling mission, and emblematic of just how confused and irrelevant Yahoo! has made itself.

Tech workers: they're just like the rest of us. Despite all the bluster of renewed innovation and the fiery spirit of Mayer-ism, Yahoo! Mail remains a calcified piece of shit—and naturally no one at Yahoo! wants to use it. AllThingsD got its hands on an internal memo, and boy do they seem upset.

Away from the beanbag-seated crowds and cloud software kiosks at Dreamforce 2013, Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer and Salesforce CEO Mark Benioff sat down on a stage to praise on another. But the panegyric swap was rudely interrupted by labor protestors, calling out Mayer for her board position at Walmart. They responded in the most Silicon Valley way possible.

At this point, the Yahoo's financials are still propped up by a shrewd Chinese investment and the traffic of uncles who can't change their bookmarks. So until the company reinvents itself as an advertising firm, it'll have to make do selling old crap it found lying around.

Fight, fight for Empress Marissa: the arena must be refreshed with nerd blood. After pissing everyone at Yahoo! off by making them come into the office, AllThingsD reports Marissa Mayer's latest HR edict is drawing more ire. Employee versus employee.