I understand why Town & Country shoehorned three techies into their "Sexiest Bachelors 2014" list. If coders are the new bankers, and bankers were the new imperial vassal lords (or something), it fits. To a regressive glossy, powerful parvenues are the best bachelors—but try not picking the creepiest in Startupland.

Numbers 32, 33, and 34—a techie tool-bag trifecta—are Jack Dorsey, Joe Lonsdale, and Evan Spiegel.

Jack Dorsey is known for betraying everyone close to him, writing bad poetry, and taking terrifying stoic serial selfies. Town & Country notes "The SF-based Twitter co-founder became a billionaire last year but still rides the bus." The bus? Laa-aaadies! I'm also pretty sure he's not a bachelor, but whatever.

Next up is Joe Lonsdale, who T&C notes is a "protégé," of arch-villain technolibertarian Peter Thiel, and can boast co-founder status at Palantir—easily one of the most unsettlingly sinister private companies in existence. Make sure you keep a password on your phone around this stud!

Finally, Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel, who also made headlines for betraying a best friend, and then turning down an unfathomably large amount of money. "Patience or hubris?," Town & Country asks. Most recently he spurned his reality television train wreck girlfriend in a failed attempt to fuck Taylor Swift.

Why not pick Eric Schmidt, or Dave Morin? At least they'll show you a good time

But these are our new captains of industry, our new sex symbols, our newly desirous. It takes a lot to make a bachelor list jerkoff like this guy seem relatively benign.