This is why stuff like this matters: less than a month after investor MG Siegler announced his move to Google, he's written a TechCrunch column pillorying Apple for looking dull. There's no mention—by Siegler or TechCrunch—of the fact that he works for Apple's rival.

Last week brought us some brutal VC-on-VC invective, and today, the Silicon Valley Honesty Hour continues with a perfectly honest warning to would-be startup employees. It's not all bean bag chairs and free massages.

It may not be the forest cosplay fest we all had our fingers crossed for, but we'll take what we can get. Former Facebook prez and impenitent tech party boy Sean Parker is officially hitched to Daenerys Targaryen.

Elon Musk had enough of FWD.us and its political doublespeak, but that doesn't mean the PAC is going down. To the contrary, AllThingsD reports it just recruited new media mogul Barry Diller and YouTube co-founder/Delicious ruiner Steven Chen. As long as Zuck can rally more money than he alienates, he should be OK!

Pinterest, the aspirational, consumer-oriented social network that was quickly adopted by Midwestern moms and Mormons, is facing the same vile problem as other almost every other platform before it. Utah's Internet Crimes Against Children task force is currently investigating "12 separate cases of users posting child pornography on Pinterest boards," according to the Deseret News.

Let's feel nostalgic for 45 seconds or so: Xanga, the LiveJournal/MySpace hybrid that once boasted 30 million active users but never quite managed to capture enough weepy teenage hearts, is on the brink of death and begging for money.

Jacob Bijani joined Tumblr as one of its original, most formative employees (and its first designer/product engineer) back in 2008—when a $1.1 billion Yahoo buyout was unfathomable. Now he's leaving.

This week, R-Zuck didn't actually write anything for her netiquette e-scripture, but farmed it out to some freelancers. The silver lining: we get to learn about a new spiritual practice from the far east. Let's explore our lungs.

Defoundered Foursquare exec Naveen Selvadurai is doing the medium is the message one better: the data is the human. He just released a personal API exposing his "sleep, weight, steps, fuel/activity and checkins," guaranteed to make self-quantifiers binary with envy. "i wished to play with the idea of a ‘virtual me’ that’s entirely inside the machine," he wrote on his Tumblr.

Lobbying dissenter Elon Musk's electric car company is still in its infancy, and the man is already looking to create a new form of transportation so eccentric it can't even really be described.

The NASDAQ Prince is making it clear he'll do whatever it takes to push through his version of immigration reform: Zuck's FWD.us lobbying giant is now bankrolling ads on the Rush Limbaugh show.

Not much to do with this one other than shake your head, wipe away a tear, and look into the distance, face blank. Sparkpr, which manages top tech accounts like Vevo, Rdio, and Dropcam, is having a 90s theme party, focused around one of the most disastrous aspects of the entire decade.

Space-privatizer and car-electrifier Elon Musk is still one of the precious few (openly) honest people in the tech immigration debate right now: he minced zero words to AllThingsD about ditching Zuckerberg & Co. over their political machinations.

After high school dropout David Karp turned Tumblr into a $250 million payout from Yahoo, lots of parents around the world are probably looking to duplicate the recipe. Here's part of it: let your kid have and do whatever they want.

Attention Joshua Kushner, Sean Parker, and Jack Dorsey: TyTy Winklevoss is now regularly making nakedness with Brazilian model Loris Kraemerh. Selfie time!

Starting today, you'll see things like promotional GIFs for Denny's in your web Tumblr feed (just like you had before via mobile), according to the company's staff blog. "These posts will simply blend in with the posts from the blogs you follow," says Tumblr, except that advert posts will be stamped with a dollar sign with lines shooting out of it.

If you're in downtown Manhattan today, be sure to swing by the lavish townhouse at 214 Lafayette St., where Google is handing out tangy cocktails, an entire rainbow of macarons, and of course, tens of thousands of dollars in gifted electronics to the journalists who cover it.

The reasons why the notorious tech wastrel is now bankrupt are well-documented, and now it's official: "Tech investor and entrepreneur Halsey Minor filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy last week in U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Los Angeles," says the WSJ, citing up to $100 million in debt.

There are first world problems and then there's the troubling "rich-person management gap" currently harshing one newly-minted tech millionaire's mellow. Break out the Stradivarius of tiny violins.

NASDAQ will pay $10 million, the largest fine an exchange has ever paid the SEC, for mishandling Facebook's IPO. For more insight into how Facebook's bankers, including Michael Grimes, hurt regular investors while hedge funds profited by shorting the stock, check out this superb Atlantic article.