When your biannual business event has been satirized by Mike Judge, you need to level up, which is a casual phrase humans say to other humans. And, oh, what a level this year's TechCrunch Disrupt "Battlefield" showed us. Corruption! Hubris! Exploitation! Investment from Michael Arrington! Butlers! It truly had it all.

It's not easy being Michael Arrington. To kickoff TechCrunch Disrupt SF this morning, the Uber investor directed a fierce and poignant native ad for his CrunchFund investment Uber—right there on stage, in real-time. With Uber CEO Travis Kalanick by his side, it was a veritable duet of damage control! But then Lyft investor Peter Thiel had to spoil the cozy fireside mood by acting just like Arrington.

Most of the scenes in the final three episodes of HBO's Silicon Valley take place in Mike Judge's version of TechCrunch Disrupt. Without giving away from spoilers, it's pretty much like the real conference only with more dick jokes. Well, one very elaborate Aristocrats-style dick joke on a whiteboard.

Last year, TechCrunch founder and middle-finger-waving investor Michael Arrington announced he'd no longer judge the site's annual startup competition, citing the ominous influence of outside forces over the editorial process. In unrelated news, a startup he backs just won the top prize, again.

Michael Arrington is a man who would prefer to keep the things people whisper about him out of the public eye. So the blogging-capitalist, whose "conflicts of interests" run longer than his resume (literally), came out gunning for Whisper CEO Michael Heyward during a TechCrunch Disrupt panel earlier today.

To get a glimpse at the interior logic of libertarian leaders who work in the technology industry, take a look at Michael Arrington's triumphal tweet from last night: "My point is this. WE'VE WON! After eons gays can now mostly feel free to be themselves, love whoever, with no stigma."

Typically, you might worry about what would happen if Michael Arrington's hands were on you. But the TechCrunch founder and pugnacious VC is equally terrified of physical contact, creating a public germaphobe campaign that's now reached half a decade.

This week, we learned Microsoft has been able to read anyone's Hotmail inbox, if it so pleases. But what about Google? According to TechCrunch founder and friendly VC giant Mike Arrington, his Gmail account was rifled through just the same.

His name was already mud, but there are plenty of things worse than mud (poop, toxic waste, mud with spiders in it, etc.). Even Michael Arrington wouldn't touch Goldberg after The Bustle's latest bit of bad press:

Michael Arrington's capitalist dream will not be deferred. Even after losing cofounder MG Siegler to what looks like an indefinite international vacay, CrunchFund crunches on.

In 2011, TechCrunch founder and Bully-in-Chief Michael Arrington gave an off the record talk to an audience of powerful tech CEOs. Details of unsavory comments leaked. Later that year, he did it again, and now we have the closed-doors video of Arrington's corruption, in his own words.

TechCrunch is wrapping up another Disrupt conference (this time in Berlin), and the man who started it all has some very public, very not-nice things to say about the website he created.

In 2011, TechCrunch founder Mike Arrington was fired from his own website for reasons including flagrant conflicts of interest over his newly hatched VC firm, CrunchFund. But he never really left. For every year since his firing, Arrington's used the TechCrunch Disrupt conference to help his wallet.

On stage at TechCrunch Disrupt yesterday, after signing Michael Arrington's copy of Vogue, Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer offered an odd defense of tech companies silence over PRISM. "We fought, we lost. If you don't comply it's treason."

Conflict of Interest 3.0: the winner of TechCrunch's vaunted Disrupt Battlefield startup competition is financially backed by TechCrunch's pugnacious founder, Michael Arrington—it is a matter of pure coincidence that Arrington judged the competition. How much longer are we going to take this seriously?

Earlier today, Michael Arrington solemnly vowed to "face down the evil at TechCrunch Disrupt," the tech blog's biannual conference. Not the vulgar sexism permitted on stage, but rather the tech industry's see-no-evil attitude towards the NSA using its products to spy on American citizens. (Complacency seems to be common theme.)

Jenn Allen is sticking with her allegations of rape and assault against TechCrunch's kingpin emeritus Michael Arrington, despite a defamation lawsuit over the claims. Now we know when it's all going down.

Newly filed court documents show Jennifer Allen won't recant: her attorneys say she's sticking with her story, and are prepared to fight back in an impending libel case from TechCrunch founder and VC powerhouse Mike Arrington.

After issuing an ultimatum to abuse-alleging ex Jenn Allen, TechCrunch founder and investor Michael Arrington is now trying to take her to federal court. In demand for trial filed just yesterday, Arrington's lawyers allege Allen tried to "smear [his] name on the internet" and "destroy his reputation."

After MG Siegler's announcement yesterday that the CrunchFund general partner was moving onto greener, more re$$$ourceful pastures at Google Ventures, questions about the future of the conflicted fund grew louder. But according to Dan Primack's crystal ball, detractors should put down their knives for now, thanks to the potential of good returns.